Blech.

Tomorrow I have to have an echocardiogram and I am NOT looking forward to it. There are a number of reasons for this.

1. I am a hypochondriac. You say the words "heart problem" or "potentially harmful/dangerous" and my mind starts RACING! This is what happened in September when my neurologist noted a 7-beat run of ventricular tachycardia on my EKG strip. He even said it was VERY short, but of course I researched everything I could online and read how dangerous this can be.
2. It will be AT LEAST a week before I receive results. Please read above for more explanation about why this would bother me.
3. I hate doctors. My blood pressure will be sky high and my heart will be racing. Plus, it seems like whenever I am the most nervous is when I have to sit in the waiting room the longest.
4. My appointment isn't until 10:45am. This gives me tons of time to obsess about it once I wake up in the morning.

Luckily, my sister is coming along for support. I am just terrified that I have heart disease, CAD, cardiomyopathy, etc. (see, I really have done my research). Oh, and I also think I have heart failure. I have no family history, don't smoke, have no congenital heart defects, and have never had a problem with my heart in my life. I do, however, have high blood pressure, could lose quite a bit of weight, and barely exercise. So I have things going against me. If anything, this should be a wake-up call for me to get healthier - but instead, I'm focusing all of my thoughts on it and anxietizing about it (is that a word?)

Anyway, enough rambling about that.

I have decided to finish my second sock of my first pair of socks. It's been hiding for quite some time. I'm finally catching up on my school work and have been able to find a little time for myself.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow, as my stress has NO LIMITS!!!

Busy, busy, busy

It's been quite a busy week!  I've fallen way behind on my schoolwork over the past couple of months, unfortunately, and I am still struggling to get to where I should be.  I'm slowly getting there.  This is partially due to my periods of intense anxiety/depression and partially due to just laziness.  The third part of this is that I'm just so doggone tired all the time.  

Today I made brownies, my niece's recipe, in preparation for going to a friend's for dinner.  I ended up with a migraine (I think) that I was actually vomiting with - this could also be a stomach bug that's going around.  I'm pretty sure it was a migraine though, because I'm feeling WAY better after sleeping for 3 hours.  

On the knitting front, I've started working again on a lacey shawl I started back in May using Noro Aurora.  I keep making mistakes, but it's so gappy that they don't show, luckily!  I'm also working on a vampire-inspired knit (the dork in me coming out...)  a neck warmer in red and black Jitterbug mixed with a Kraemer yarn with silver in it.  I had to rip some of it out today (UGH!!!!!), but that's just the way it is, I suppose.

Tomorrow will be a day of cleaning (I've been trying to get the bedroom organized), and homework.  Hopefully I can finish Breaking Dawn at some point in the near future!

6 months later...

It's been quite some time since I have posted. My dad passed away in June, which was difficult for my whole family, especially my mom. We are still grieving in some ways, but things have gotten a lot better. Tom and I are living with my mom and both working hard and going to school full time. So, it's rare that we see each other.

I have been trying to find the time to do some knitting in between school, work, and reading the Twilight saga, which I admit that I am obsessed with. I am on the final book, Breaking Dawn, and am ready to finish it up so that I can start the first book over again before the movie comes out at the end of November.

I've been having some major anxiety issues lately, although they seem to be quieting down. I had a sleep study done at the end of September which revealed mild sleep apnea, but also revealed that I had a 7-beat run of ventricular tachycardia during the night. Needless to say, this freaks the ever-living crap out of me. Of course I went right to the internet and researched the subject. Most of the time, people with this have heart disease, structural damage to the heart, or heart failure. I had an EKG 2 weeks ago at the doctor, which was clear. My blood work looked good. The only test left for me to have is a stress echo, which is scheduled for 11/5. Not looking forward to it.

I'm struggling to re-commit to fitness and weight loss, which is hard with the very small amount of time I have to myself. I try to eat right for the most part, but toward the end of the day I get sleepy and lazy and stop keeping track of what I eat. Anyone have any good ideas?!!?

Yarn!!!!

I went to Charlotte Yarn today and had fun just poking around in there. My next project is an "Aibhlein" (not sure about the spelling!) - it's a wrap/shawl kind of thing. I bought Blue Sky organic dyed cotton to make it.

I have to finish Jack's baby blanket first, though. I've been working on it for about 2 years now! Sooner or later it will be complete. Although, Jack might be 25 by that time.

Nothing much else going on here - knitting, school work, Weight Watchers, sleeping. Oh, how I love the sleeping. I have taken to napping in a chair in the living room (just like my dad, ha ha). I just get comfy and drift off.

Last night Kate and I went to Caribou coffee and did some knitting. I had some really yummy "Mahogany" blend coffee. I've been drinking kind of a lot of coffee lately. It's ok, though, it keeps me energized for a short while anyway. I should definitely be drinking more water than anything!

Off to dork around on ravelry for awhile and then do some knitting.

One more week

One more week until school starts again for me. And I'm taking 3 classes instead of 2 this coming quarter -eek! I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. My knitting is going to suffer for sure!

I've been working on lots of small knitting projects and I feel like I'm able to get things accomplished that way. I'm finishing up a mug cozy for my sister and then I'm making a beer cozy for one of my brothers. Today Kate and I are going to a "Yarn Tasting" event at one of the yarn stores here. I am so excited - you get to try out all different kinds of yarns and eat chocolate (which is always good).

We found out this week that my dad has another tumor. :( He went for a colonoscopy on Wednesday to be cleared for surgery and we got the bad news. He had a CT scan yesterday and gets the results on Tuesday. I'm really praying for good news. He seems to be doing ok. My brother Mike is here and that helps A LOT! He is a great positive influence and keeps things light around here.

Yesterday we had to drop a bunch of money on getting Tom's car fixed - he was having problems with a coolant hose or something. It ended up costing twice what they quoted us because they had to flush the radiator. Ugh. The fun of having cars! And as fate would have it, my "Change Oil Soon" light came on yesterday, so I have to get that taken care of.

Well I'm off to start the beer cozy! I really should post pics of my knitting on here at some point.

Easter

Wow - Easter is here! Actually, since it's 20 minutes to 8:00pm, it's almost over. It's been a pretty uneventful day, just hanging out with the family. My brother Mike is here visiting and Kate, Chris, and Jack came over for dinner tonight.

I have been knitting like a fiend! Actually, I've been starting projects and messing them up. Now I'm working on a baby hat that will hopefully turn out ok. Kerry introduced me to Ravelry.com and I am totally addicted. I'm constantly on the website.

I have been so sleepy lately. Actually, it's been going on for quite some time. I get so sleepy that it actually feels like my body is moving but my brain is asleep - even at work when I'm doing something. It's really weird. Starting tonight, I'm trying to get in to a rigid routine of going to bed at the same time every night and getting enough sleep. If that doesn't help, I'm going to go to my doctor. I've already seen him for it and at first he thought it was one of my medications, but my younger sister has narcolepsy, and I'm showing some signs of that. If that's the case, I want to be treated!!! Being so darn sleepy makes enjoying my day hard. There are many times when I have to go out to my car at work and take a nap on my lunch break. Ugh. On the weekends, I take 2-3 hour naps both days.

Anyway, back to my knitting.

Highly Caffeinated

Ok, I have had way too much sweet tea and I feel like I am typing at lightning speed.

I'm getting ready to work on a knitting project that I started months ago and need to finish! It's a fingerless mittens project and 1 is done, just need to finish the 2nd. The problem is, I don't know where the pattern is! I found it online in someone's blog and am having a hard time relocating it. I had printed it out, but it is since long gone.

In other news, we adopted a dog yesterday (my mom and I). Her name is Sugar and she's a Border Collie/Australian Cattle Dog mix. She is SO sweet. She gets a little nutty around other dogs, but is great with people and learns quickly. I'll be sure to post a pic of her on here soon.

It's hard to believe that next week is Easter already! That's insane! My brothers will be here in a few weeks because we are thinking my dad will be having surgery soon - if they ever give him a date. The damn procedure keeps getting pushed back because of one setback or another.

Tom and I have totally slacked off on Weight Watchers, but are starting back tomorrow. I went to Trader Joe's today with my mom and got some stuff to get us through most of the week. We'll see how it goes. It's hard to stay on track. I'm just used to stuffing my face with whatever I want to do. I know it's a matter of changing a bad habit, and no one said it would be easy.

Well, I'm off to knit as the dog pulls the stuffing out of her favorite toy.