Giving Thanks...

Instead of my usual complaints and yapping on about nothing, I've decided to list some things I'm thankful for this year.

1. TOM! I don't know what I would do without him. He's the love of my life, my solid ground, my comfort, my everything. He works so hard and I don't always show him my appreciation. I love you so so much.
2. My awesome family. I can't stress the word awesome enough. We've been through a lot in the past year and I think it's made us closer. I love spending time with them - my mom, all my brother and sisters (and sisters and brothers in law), and especially my nieces and nephews. Can't get enough of them. Thanks so much for everything you have done for me and the support you've shown.
3. My health. Yes, I said it. Despite what I believe in my mind, I AM pretty healthy (physically anyway...mental health is a different story...:) )
4. My home. I am blessed enough to have a mother who is welcoming and loving and enjoys the company of Tom and I. We plan to be here awhile and she seems okay with that. Many people in these times are struggling to live, and we are so lucky to have what we do.
5. My job. I have a great job, work with awesome people, and actually love going to work.
6. My education. Even though I can't stand homework and am totally lazy, I LOVE the fact that I am getting my education and will (one day) be done.
7. I can't leave this out, as trivial as it is. The Twilight books. My nice list just turned nerdy. They got me reading again (ok, I had been reading, but not that much). And, have given me stuff to look forward to. (Did I mention the movie is amazing? I've now seen it twice and have a third time planned.)

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. Have a peaceful day and rest up for shopping tomorrow!!!!

Twilight!

Well I continue to have pregnancy issues this weekend, unfortunately. I'm trying to rest and put those at the back of my mind.

The highlight of my WHOLE weekend was seeing Twilight on Friday night. It was amazing - everything I wanted it to be. Tom has promised me that after the stress of my doctor's appointment tomorrow he'll take me to see it tomorrow night again after work! YAY!!! I'm REALLY excited about this. I cannot stop thinking about the movie and keep replaying it in my head. It has consumed me!! Ha ha.

This is a short week at work, which is nice. It should be easy, as we probably have many students on vacation. I'm looking forward to having a quiet week and a restful Thanksgiving. Then starts the Christmas madness!!!

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

This is crap..

Well, once again, things aren't going well on the pregnancy front. My beta HCG is not rising as it should be. I had an ultrasound today and the gestational sac is measuring a week behind (not good.) The doctor called me and told me he would not be surprised if I miscarried over the weekend. So, I've had a crappy week. Today I'm resting at home and plan to return to work tomorrow. I have to go back in on Monday and have one more blood draw and an ultrasound just to confirm what's going on.

Tom and I have decided to truly consider adoption. We feel that this is the right decision for us and have started looking into it at this point. So we will see what happens!

Tonight is the premiere of Twilight, which is at least one thing I am looking forward to. At least my mind will be distracted for a couple of hours.

Tired...

Well I've been pregnant for like, 2 minutes, and am already having "symptoms." Are they all in my head? Possibly. I am extremely tired, hungry and nauseated at the same time, have a headache, very sore "upstairs," if you know what I mean, and just other random symptoms. Tomorrow morning I go to the specialist for initial bloodwork. On Thursday, I go back for a 2nd round of the same tests to make sure that my numbers are increasing adequately.

I'm still not done with Breaking Dawn or with my 2nd sock. The positive pregnancy test threw me for a loop!

I am off to rest and try to get rid of this headache.

OMG

It's a bit blurry - but I'm sure you get the idea. It's really early, but I can't even freaking believe this. I'm approx. 4 weeks pregnant - due some time around mid-July. Oh my Lord...

Matters of the heart

The Stress Echo went okay - I was so nervous that my heart rate was 170 - no need to get on the treadmill to stress my heart.  Both the tech and the cardiologist said that my heart was functionally and structurally normal, so that's good.  They want me to wear a 48 hour EKG monitor to make sure that my heart rate isn't always sky high.  So, I'll be making an appointment for that.  The cardiologist's exact words were, "You don't have anything bad wrong with you."  He knew what I needed to hear!

I am STOKED that in 2 weeks, the Twilight movie comes out.  My husband and I are living in true dork fashion and going to the 12am showing.  I couldn't resist.  I feel like I have been waiting forever - good thing I didn't find the books when they first came out!

In other news, Tom and I are pretty broke.  Once again, we have tons of medical bills because of my neurologist appointments and my sleep study.  Over 3 grand.  Blech.

I'm almost done with my second sock.  WOO HOO!!  After that, I am knitting up my "vampire yarn" which I bought on etsy.  

Tonight Tom and I are going to a friend's house.  A friend I think I've seen ONCE in 8 years!  I'm so excited to catch up with her!!!

Have a great weekend!

Blech.

Tomorrow I have to have an echocardiogram and I am NOT looking forward to it. There are a number of reasons for this.

1. I am a hypochondriac. You say the words "heart problem" or "potentially harmful/dangerous" and my mind starts RACING! This is what happened in September when my neurologist noted a 7-beat run of ventricular tachycardia on my EKG strip. He even said it was VERY short, but of course I researched everything I could online and read how dangerous this can be.
2. It will be AT LEAST a week before I receive results. Please read above for more explanation about why this would bother me.
3. I hate doctors. My blood pressure will be sky high and my heart will be racing. Plus, it seems like whenever I am the most nervous is when I have to sit in the waiting room the longest.
4. My appointment isn't until 10:45am. This gives me tons of time to obsess about it once I wake up in the morning.

Luckily, my sister is coming along for support. I am just terrified that I have heart disease, CAD, cardiomyopathy, etc. (see, I really have done my research). Oh, and I also think I have heart failure. I have no family history, don't smoke, have no congenital heart defects, and have never had a problem with my heart in my life. I do, however, have high blood pressure, could lose quite a bit of weight, and barely exercise. So I have things going against me. If anything, this should be a wake-up call for me to get healthier - but instead, I'm focusing all of my thoughts on it and anxietizing about it (is that a word?)

Anyway, enough rambling about that.

I have decided to finish my second sock of my first pair of socks. It's been hiding for quite some time. I'm finally catching up on my school work and have been able to find a little time for myself.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow, as my stress has NO LIMITS!!!

Busy, busy, busy

It's been quite a busy week!  I've fallen way behind on my schoolwork over the past couple of months, unfortunately, and I am still struggling to get to where I should be.  I'm slowly getting there.  This is partially due to my periods of intense anxiety/depression and partially due to just laziness.  The third part of this is that I'm just so doggone tired all the time.  

Today I made brownies, my niece's recipe, in preparation for going to a friend's for dinner.  I ended up with a migraine (I think) that I was actually vomiting with - this could also be a stomach bug that's going around.  I'm pretty sure it was a migraine though, because I'm feeling WAY better after sleeping for 3 hours.  

On the knitting front, I've started working again on a lacey shawl I started back in May using Noro Aurora.  I keep making mistakes, but it's so gappy that they don't show, luckily!  I'm also working on a vampire-inspired knit (the dork in me coming out...)  a neck warmer in red and black Jitterbug mixed with a Kraemer yarn with silver in it.  I had to rip some of it out today (UGH!!!!!), but that's just the way it is, I suppose.

Tomorrow will be a day of cleaning (I've been trying to get the bedroom organized), and homework.  Hopefully I can finish Breaking Dawn at some point in the near future!